Offset Distractions

Hello Everyone,

Over the past week or so, I have had this quite horrible feeling in me, this ticking, constant thoughts in the back of my head, you know they are there because no matter how hard you try to focus/distract your mind, you always remember what you where been down about, which inevitably brings you back down again.

The thoughts and feeling I have are in no way my fault, the feelings I have had for over a year now, been building up inside me because I was too weak to let them out and now it has gotten to the point where my mind is completely blocked and now I can't concentrate on College Work, what makes it worse is that I feel somebody is giving me the cold shoulder, my suspension is that the person is mad or angry at me, for what I do not know, and if it is about my feelings, I don't know why they would be angry, and that the person would ask me.

But I get no replies, no responses, when I try to sort this developing problem out, I get no help from the 'other' side, So I'm kind of stuck in this emotionally draining pit until it gets sorted out, which I want it to be, I know the person doesn't like been this way with me and that they would want it sorted too, but I can't do it by myself, it needs co-operation from both sides.

Having OCD really does NOT help at all, because no matter how much I try to erase everything from my head and heart, my OCD just pounds them back in, I hope this gets sorted soon as it is getting quite ridiculous to say the least.

Thank you for reading and if 'you' are reading, please understand and talk to me so we can get things sorted.

Regards,
Mark

Such a strange hobby...

Hello Everyone,

With tourettes syndrome, I get quite bad OCD in some areas, such as having things in a certain way the way I want them, I can detect wether or not something has been moved in the slightest.

Now when I'm stressed or angry (which is quite a lot this past month) I tend to write songs, it comes naturally, depending on the mood I'm in, the song will come out like that mood. The lyrics sometimes can actually be quite catchy and I have a tendency to have them all saved in a certain folder, there must be hundreds by now, all put into different categories, by genre, mood, type, speed. Quite obsessive if I must say so myself!

Writing songs always helps to distress me as well so it's sort of a win win situation. The only problem is I don't know what to do with all these songs lying around like a lost cause!

This week has been quite tough and I have wrote about 40 songs, it's actually getting quite bad now!

Thank you for reading and taking your time, comments are welcome

Regards,
Mark

A moderate Worry

Hello everyone,

Now last week, on Thursday, my eyes did the thing where they would roll into the back of my head and completely piss me off.

But this time the pain was nothing i have ever felt, it was so unbearable, while i was trying to direct myself inside Ashby Link (where i was for college that day) i nearly passed out on the road, i had to bite my tongue to stop it.

When i got up to the second floor and sat on a chair waiting for lesson to start, the tutor came out and asked if i was ok, i couldn't speak because the pain was that bad so my body cried for me so he knew something was up.

Well eventually my mum came and they called the Paramedics,
i was put on Oxygen for half an hour while various tests where made on my blood,
i was barley conscious while the Paramedic was doing this. My friend was holding my hand but i couldn't feel her hand because the pain was taking over every nerve in my body.

The Paramedic said i did not need to go to Hospital, so when i eventually had the ability to stand up, i was escorted to my mothers car and we drove to my consultant at my local doctors.
She suggested i could have a form of epilepsy... which i will most likely be having tests done in November when i go to see the neurologist about my Tourettes again.. so basically i have Tourettes, OCD, and now worrying about the possibility of having Epilepsy. Great eh?

Thanks for taking your time in reading this post, i hope you can also take the time to comment as well.

Regards,
Mark

OCD and it's apparent Burdens....

Hello everyone,

Well as some of you may already know, people with Tourettes usually always have OCD as well (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)

Now OCD can be a very annoying and stressful thing to have to deal with, for instance i have a mobile phone to text my friends and so on, and i have this obsession with people replying to my texts, and if they don't I get really stressed and text them again, and so forth, now this is very frustrating for me as it can be very unpleasant for the recipient, but then again why wouldn't they text back?
If they have low battery, battery is dead, busy, don't have there phone on them, this doesn't stop it, because my OCD is telling me to do this, and I hope my friends understand this and text back eventually.

There has been fallouts over this in the past with various friends, but MOST of the time it's got sorted.

There is also this obsession in which I need to do a certain amount of press ups each day depending on what type of day it is and how busy I will be in the day, This can be very tiring and embarrassing, specially when I wake up and have to do some straight away and all my muscles are still hurting from sleeping.

I have some common obsessions like having to wash my hands and clean my teeth a certain way, and tidying my room in a specific way too.

If any of my friends are reading this, I hope you understand a bit more on why I can be a bit weird/awkward sometimes and hope you will understand this.

Medication? I have tried it for OCD and gives me the same horrible effects as it did when I took medication for my Tourettes, so medication in general is a big NO NO for me

Thank you for taking your time to read this and hope you could leave a comment

Regards,
Mark

Ok, this has pissed me off...

Hello everyone,

Ok i can take people shoveling verbal abuse at me when i walk in town or wherever, because it's only verbal.

But seriously, why do people SPIT at me, i mean come on? Low life or what? I wish these random fagots would grow the hell up or die trying because this is SO annoying, i don't want to have to wipe spit of me just from walking through town, it's ridiculous and un-called for...

I'm not the violent type, but the next person that spits on me, they will be having an angry fist in there face.

Thank you for reading and comment or discuss if you want

Regards,
Mark

Passers By...

Hello everyone,

Now was people with Tourettes know, it can be very intimidating and quite annoying walking down a public street. For one, unless your a complete sociopath with no life, no matter how much you said it doesn't, you always get that intimidated feeling that the people who stare at you think you're a psychotic nutjob. Having theses feelings isn't the greatest thing in the world, but neither is it the worst.

The worst is when you get these idiots come up to you and start mimicking what you do and say/chant or whatever. Now i generally tend to ignore these people but sometimes it gets too much and i turn around and say in the not so friendliest of manners 'I have Tourettes, do you think i like been like this' and sometimes that still doesn't stop them, so i just walk on, uncomfortable until i finally get to the destination i was heading towards.

With my friends, it's a different story, i don't really care what i do or what people think of me when i do it because i have people i know and hold close to me alongside. Besides usually if someone says something or mimics while they are around, they get the shouting of there life thrown at them by my friends. I thank my friends for sticking up for me and not taking no shit, so if your read this. You know who you are.

If people would just know a bit more about Tourettes then I'm sure it wouldn't be so bad for us folks with the condition (i stray away from the word disease because that's so false to what Tourettes actually is)
As you can tell I'm actually quite angry today.

Thank you for your time reading this, if you want, drop me a comment as I really will appreciate it.

Regards,
Mark

Parents Undermeaning

Hello everyone,

Now I'm sure a lot of you have been annoyed with your parents at some stage in your lives.
But I'm afraid that for me, it's most of the time.

When i first developed the symptoms for Tourettes Syndrome, my parents would think i was twitching and grunting for the sake of it and so would tell me to shut up, or go to my room. Now obviously this was absolutely horrible and i always felt so enraged with them.

When i got diagnosed with Tourettes Syndrome it helped a bit, i mean they knew i couldn't help it, my dad though always thought i could control it to a sufficient form. Which i got very aggravated about because i would always have to repeat myself to him and sometimes my Mother would too, but been a Male he would refuse to take it in.
It actually took about a year after been diagnosed with Tourettes Syndrome for my dad to actually stop and think 'oh wait, he can't actually help it'

This was comforting to know to say the least, but still up until this day i feel restricted around my family so much, my sister swears at me because i do it, and says she can do it too, which it appears my Mother doesn't give a shit about.
Every night i watch television alone because to be quite honest, i don't enjoy family time anymore. I feel really self conscious walking around at night time with the knowledge that i will most likely wake my parents up and get yelled at for something i can't help, fair enough it must be annoyed to get awoken at night, but they should understand by now i CANNOT HELP IT, i feel so paranoid around my own home now it's not even funny.

Yes my parents (mainly Mother) have supported me through tough times and do a lot for me, but using that as an excuse all the time when i try and reason with them is not on.

Thank you for taking your time to read and hope you post your thoughts on this.

Regards,
Mark