Thoughts about Univirsity and such

Hello everyone,

Yeah so I'm in my final year at college doing a National Diploma in Interactive Media (formerly known as Multimedia) Currently on my Final Major Project!Which is actually a 3D animation games trailer for a game I had developed in another lesson in the course called games design.

Anyho, I'm really excited about moving out, going to Univirsity and meeting lots of new and wonderful people! You don't get many chances to start again, forget the bad times and leave the people behind that's caused pain in your life. And Uni is THE perfect place to do that!!

I am going to be going to Bolton Univirsity as their games design course is amazing!
THe accomidation's pretty neat too, and nice prices per week to rent. I will be bringing my guitar with me hehe because I have a piece of software on my laptop that allows it to produce different amp tones so I can just plug my guitar into my laptop, plug some earphones in and jam away to myself!

Been doing this Student Finance application last night, real pain in the ass, as well as having to fill in a really big online form, my parents are also required to send all their money earning details inc birth certificates and so forth. Though mind you this is so I can get some student loans and hopefully a few non repayable grants.

My Tourettes has been quite bad this past month and a bit, I think it's because the stress is eating me, with trying to complete any outstanding work for college, my Final Major Project, friend issues etc I've not had time to think it all through and my Tourettes hasn't seemed to respond well to it at all. Hopefully after college is over I will be a tad more calmer which hopefully fingers crossed will keep my Tourettes at bay.

On an ending note, I wonder sometimes; why can't friends just be simple and why in some cases, do they cause more hassle then good?

Thanks for reading this,
Best Regards,
Mark

Tourettes Syndrome and how the media portray it

Is the media giving Tourettes a Syndrome a bad name to the public?

Now Tourettes and Epilepsy are nothing to be ashamed of as people have come to accept these a lot more than say, 50 years ago where you would be looked down on for been different to the rest.

Sadly, in some cases this is still the same. Now obviously people have there own right to look at other people to try and figure out what is the matter with them, to a certain extent. Not to the point where they make rude faces are actually come up to you and tell you to stop.
I myself have Tourettes Syndrome and have been diagnosed now for nearly 4 years. I have Coprolalia

Now it is hard enough trying to walk down the street without groups of people asking me to stop ticing and swearing in public without people like this 'Tourettes Guy' pretending to have Tourettes when he obviously does not have, going into stores and public places with a video camera and purposely verbally assaulting everyone he sees, his sentences are most of the time well structured and in Coprolalia the sentences if said, bear no sense or meaning.


Image from aleuranthropy

And as this 'Tourettes Guy' has become so popular on video streaming sites such as Youtube and Google video, the media has gained a stereotypical view on Tourettes that is involves swearing and bad manners.

Now I know for a fact that 'coprolalia occurs in as low as 5-15% of patients and 5-30% in some clinical series' quote from Tourettes Disorder.com. Now another thing people tend to think as they see me or any other Tourettes sufferer with Coprolalia, is that it is amazing to have, and 'so much fun' and the amount of times I have had to argue this fact is quite amazing, literally hundreds of people have come up to me and said 'Wow you have Tourettes that must be so much fun' and even when I explain it is not, they don't take it seriously.

It is quite obviously not fun having to explain to someone you didn't mean to utter some rude comments at them and that you don't want any trouble all the time.

I have been in some tricky situations thanks to my Tourettes and none of them where fun at all, some even life threatening.

I am sure many of you who live in Britain like I do, have watched Big Brother, and know that somebody with Tourettes Syndrome was on one of the series, called Pete Bennett. He wanted to get his confidence back up and so wanted to show people he was not ashamed of having Tourettes Syndrome so he went on Big Brother and won it, but one of the reasons was public appeal because the public thought Tourettes was 'cute' I don't know how Pete himself felt about this, I would like to know. But it is not cute, it can be funny sometimes yes, I know for a fact some things or actions I do make people laugh and can cheer the day up, but they are laughing with me, not AT me, but it is not cute.

Pete been on big brother has helped raise public awareness of Tourettes Syndrome, hopefully for the better. But more needs to be done


Image from pete-bennett.co.uk/

For those who have to fight on with Tourettes (like me) because no medication will work on them, it is a daily struggle made harder because of the way the Media portrays Tourettes Syndrome, and the way the public view it as because of the media. This does not make it any easier.

And I want to increase awareness about Tourettes Syndrome to everybody that reads this.

And with enough public understanding, maybe this will reduce the stress of our lives (people with Tourettes Syndrome) while walking out in public.

Thank you all very much for reading this and I hope you take your time to visit tourettes-disorder.com/ and read up on Tourettes Syndrome, I am trying to increase awareness of Tourettes and stray it out from what it is been portrayed as in the media.

Thanks for reading, i hope you've learn't something from this,
Regards,
Mark

Thinking of the future, hating the present

Hello everyone,

Ok, so rough couple of weeks, falling out with a few friends over nothing, some been really immature about everything, and making whatever is wrong to be my fault. But people do that, so yeah i just ignore it.

The future, what a vivid thought, you could spend all day thinking of what you can do with your life, or what you could do if you managed to do something in the present. See; even that small sentence is confusing, but its the thought of the possibility that you won't be able to do what you hope to do that is the scary thing.

With my head the way it is, certain people unable to talk much, which is cool i know I'll catch up with em. But my head builds up much like power, and too much power can overload the system. That's whats starting to happen at the minute, its also bringing back my obsessive thinking, which is not good at all. Too hard to explain but basically i can't block out anything that comes into my head.

I'm also pretty fed up with the surroundings i have, where i live there are no friends nearby, and that is awful. I want to be around my friends, be able to go out after college or at weekends and hang around with them. But thats something for the future, hopefully college will bring a closer group of friends and better surroundings!

Hehe i hope I am able to play my guitar pretty loud in Uni, I'll be gutted otherwise!!

Thanks for reading,
Regards,
Mark

Positive Changes but nasty side effects

Hello everyone,

So I've not been very active this past few weeks, well since i last posted in the middle of January!
But some things have changed, well i went to a gig in Leeds near the end of January to watch Escape the Fate at the Cockpit, it was great! Very fun entertaining night to say the least lol!!

And I'm also in a band, It's only just got itself together and we are still in need of a talented drummer, we only have rough copies of two of our own songs and they are exactly that, rough!! But like with any new band, the more you jam with each other the better you work together and the better you end up sounding!

But I'm also having a hard time in my head, my ocd is really bad this month, the only thing that's on my mind at the moment is leaving home, as much as it makes me look a selfish twat for saying it, i can't stand it here, i can't point my finger on exactly what it is, but it's getting to me, i want to get away from all the bad memories and bad past and start fresh, clean slate, meet new people, new adventures, new problems. But not here, not here.

I've also had the same thing happen that always happens with me, i make a friend, or so i think i have. And the next week they don't speak to me again, you could say that I am getting used to this by now, but it still hurts just as much as ever. My confidence is low because of that, which makes me act weird around my friends, they understand(I hope) but yeah.

Tough times are ahead, but hey, who hasn't got them?
But i guess the band thing is a great positive eh.

I hope if any of my friends read this, that they understand. And also i hope to see my friends more often, it's so annoying not been able to see your friends much, specially the ones you really care about.

Thank you for taking your time in reading this,
Regards,
Mark

Me and my Guitar

Hello everyone,

As some of you know, i play the guitar. It's a passion, it helps subdue my tourettes while i do it, over the past year a lot of my friends, and my ex guitar teacher has told me how much i have improved in playing.

My playing style has also changed quite dramatically as well.
I have become very passionate with the Metal genre of music.

Gaining influences from bands like Bullet for my Valentine, Metallica, Slipknot, In Flames, Daath, Atryu and so forth.

I practice every day and sometimes hours on end because it just takes me into a world of my own, the music just comes into my head and out through my fingers, binding me to the guitar like husband to wife.

My current guitars are an Epiphone G-400 in Cherry(i use this one an awful lot), Cruiser Stratocaster by Crafter, refurbished Gibson Les Paul Studio with replaced neck.

I am gathering the money together to buy my dream guitar, a BC Rich WMD Warbeast. From the moment i saw and played this guitar i fell in love with it. The feel, the tone, the quality!

The one think i do get a bit down about is the fact i feel like my talent is gone unwanted/noticed because i am not in a band yet, and haven't ever been. This is one thing i would absolutely love to do! If you live inside of South Yorkshire, near Scunthorpe and looking for an experienced and dedicated guitarist, could you inform me here please? It would mean so much to be with a group of musicians practicing and composing music together!

I love to make new music up every day, and the music i compose changes according to my mood.

Also i would like to mention i thin kit is true what they say, people with Tourettes have a gift in music, i love playing my guitar, and i can also play the Drums, they both relax me so much.

Comments are appreciated

Regards,
Mark

So called friends

Hello everyone,

Now over this past year, mainly past 6 months, i have had so many friends leave my side because of my tourettes, for reasons ranging from they can't handle it any more to 'i feel embarrassed been with you' now obviously this is going to hurt me a lot. And sometimes i just cannot understand why people do this type of thing.

I am so lucky i have a few true friends that stick by me through everything, i guess you can only find good in some people.

Some of those so called friends even deiced to text message me saying how great there life was without me in it. And i think to myself; 'why bother wasting your time texting me then?' I just don't get some people. I guess that's life though.

What do you all think?
Is this type of thing unnecessary and rude?

Regards,
Mark

Life in College...

Hello everybody,

Now i know i haven't been online for quite some time now, but I'm back and intend to keep it that way!
I've been through my first year of college in the time it's taken me to write this third blog.

So much to say, so much to write but it will all be worth it!
As you've gathered by now i have full blown Tourettes Syndrome.

I joined North Lindsey College (located in Scunthorpe) to take a National Diploma in Multimedia(now renamed Interactive Media). This course focuses on design work, for example, image manipulation in Adobe Photoshop to creating interactive websites in Macromedia Flash.

The first day of College was quite a nervous one for myself, as i had no idea of what the students in my course would think of me as, with my ticing and vocal grunting/swearing. But i am very relieved to say that they are a great bunch of people! They took me in, didn't care about my tourettes, it didn't bother them, they didn't make fun out of it but had fun with me.

Such a different experience from school life. The course tutors were very welcoming of me, because i can't draw for the amount of ticking i do, i am allowed to do digital drawings on a computer instead. Which saves a lot of stress i can tell you!

I have made so many friends in College, i have made two best friends who i hold very close to me, both female to my amazement as before college, i hadn't really talked to girls a whole lot.

But i can always rely on these two amazing woman.
When I'm down and fed up, they are there to comfort and cheer me up, which makes my life a whole lot easier!

I have loved the subjects we have covered in the course i am taking!
From creating stop motion films to making an interactive Flash website.
I have learnt so much but still have so much to learn!

I am quite pleased to say, in the second and final year of my course! Which if completed, will give me an equivalent of 3 A levels and more than enough UCAS points to go to the University of which i desire.

There has been some hard times in the first year of college don't be fooled.
Near the end of the first year i was put back on medication to try and calm my tourettes down but got bad side-effects from the medication, drowsinesses, feeling like a zombie, major league depression and much more. So after 2 weeks on the stuff i was taken off and i vow not to go on any more as it does me more harm than good.

One day walking to the Link (a place our course goes to do certain lessons) which is 20 minutes walk away from the actual college itself. I was attacked by a group of chavs. I was walking on my own and my tourettes let out some profown swearing words to the 4 man strong group. They came up to me and pulled out a knife and lunged at me.
I did manage to avoid it ad ran for my life, i have never ran so fast before, luckily they didn't seem to be that fit so they gave up chase after a minute or so.

But i had never been so scared in my life, it was quite horrible to say the least!

But whenever my course friends were with me and someone shouted abuse at me, my god they didn't half stick up for me! I feel so safe around them.

Well, it's going good in the second year so far. Only a week in but seems to be going good..
I will be sure to write more posts for you to read into.

Regards,
Mark

Like walking through a hurricane....

Hello again,

Recently (as of 2 months ago)
Tourettes has intensified. It's a constant battle against tourettes to sustain it from becoming really bad. I wake up aching from the day before (Either that or i do it in the night) My neck semi stiff, my arms aching, legs sore.

Which makes it very hard to actually get up out of bed. I tend to find i don't do it AS much when i'm on my computer, although i do it quite a lot while playing guitar or the Nintendo Wii.

People always say; 'Why don't you just not do it', well to siply answer that, try catching a bullet in your hands blindfolded. Yes, inpossible. I truly wish it would just, go away. But that hasn't happened yet.
I have actually thrown my guitar through my wardrobe twice this year, which didn't go down too well with my parents! It wasn't that i was angry, it was because i had a tic while playing my guitar, so yeah, end result usually isn't very good!
I use a drinking bottle to drink out of, because many a cups have been smashed or bent.
I have to use plastic plates and bowls as many a plate has been smashed. With the food on :( So i'm left hungry =/

I have OCD so i have morning rituals and night time ones as well. One thing that does completley cheer me up, even though i still tic and swear and grunt when doing it. Is playing the guitar, i absolutly adore playing the guitar, no matter how hard it may be for me to play without doing something to it (It's an early 1970's Rockster model).

Untill next time =]

Comments are apreciated :)